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[maskintape]

It's Tim. I guess I'm busy, so... Leave a message.

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[maskintape]

[ JAY JUST PRICKED UP HIS EARS AT INTERNET MEMES OK AL CAN CALM HIS METAPHORICAL TITS HIS SECRET IS SAFE!! ]

...zombies? They eat brains. You know what a zombie is but you don't know what they do? Come on. I'm not even a horror guy, this is - it's basic stuff.

[armoured]

That's not been in any of the legends I've heard before.

[Not that he's heard many, he was always too busy reading alchemical books to pay attention to fiction.]

The undead just feast on the flesh of the living, I suppose that includes brains but it isn't limited to them.

[maskintape]

No, you got it wrong. They eat the brains, but they bite other places so they can turn other people into zombies. It's the circle of life.

 

 

Unlife.

[armoured]

Really?

[Now he's starting to doubt his own memories, this isn't exactly his area of expertise.]

I guess I could be remembering it wrong, it's been a long time since I heard a scary story like that. Probably not since I used to sit up with Ed at night when we were little.

[maskintape]

Huh. Never would've thought you were the kind of kid to be into the spooky junk. Unless, uh - it was your brother who liked that or whatever.

[armoured]

Neither of us were really into things like that, but we read a lot and sometimes it was fun to talk about things that weren't alchemy.

[Not often, but sometimes.]

Most of the time we'd just talk about the theories we'd read that day, though. Or argue over who got the better pillow.

[maskintape]

Doesn't sound that far off what me and Jay do now, so.

That was a joke. Since half the time this stuff goes way over your head.

[armoured]

Are you sure it was a joke.

[Two can play at this teasing game.]

[maskintape]

Of course.

Jay always gets the better pillow, or he wakes up cranky.

[ a muffled "OH MY GOD TIM WHY" can be heard from a short distance away, quickly followed by one of Tim's asshole snortlaughs. WHAT A GOOD FRIEND. ]

[armoured]

[He chuckles, though he's definitely on Jay's side in this.]

Oh! That explains why you're so cranky all the time, then.

[maskintape]

Please. It'd take a goddamn four-poster bed with feather pillows to stop me being cranky.

[armoured]

You mean there is a way to do it?

[Cue an overly shocked and dramatic gasp.]

[maskintape]

Cigarettes would help too, just - just putting that out there.

[ The physical cravings might be over with, but GDIT HE MISSES HIS GROSS CANCER STICKS ]

[armoured]

If I find any then I'll make sure to save them for you.

[1915 Amestris has no problem with smoking, go right ahead and suck that cancer into your lungs, friend.]

Cigarettes and a four poster bed, I can't wait to see what you'll be like when you've had both.

[maskintape]

Heh. If we were back home, I could get you a tape. Exclusive footage of the lesser-spotted Happy Tim in its natural habitat.

[ No four-poster beds involved or anything. ]

[armoured]

I'd like to see your home one day, it must be amazing coming from a place where motion capture is so freely available.

[Amestris is so technologically backwards.]

[maskintape]

Nah. Not much different to here. Less snow. More trees. Same problems.

Absolutely nothing there worth going back to. Or - going to visit, I guess. Whatever.

[armoured]

You don't want to go home?

[Surprise bleeds through clearly, he hadn't expected Tim to feel that strongly.]

[maskintape]

Wow, uh, you didn't know? Nah, man, I'm staying here no matter what. Would've thought that was, uh. Pretty obvious. Considering.

[ He's mentioned it offhandedly to people before, and honestly thought it was an easy assumption to make. Why the hell would he want to go back there? ]

[armoured]

[That really punches him in the gut. He knew Tim's home wasn't great, but to prefer Norfinbury of all places?]

What if you didn't have to go home or stay here?

[He's already dragging Steph to Amestris. Tim might not be his all time favourite person, but he can't just abandon someone to this hell hole.]

[maskintape]

Ugh, okay, you're doing what Clarke did - Jay's dead. There's no guarantee that he won't just start - start corpsing it up again if we leave, no matter where we leave to. And now Brian's here too, so...

[ He's not leaving his dead friend. Or... whatever Brian is now. Neither of them. ]

[armoured]

[He falls into a brief troubled silence, Tim is right, he has no idea if going through to another world would cause Jay to keel over immediately.]

Then... then we'll find out, we'll make sure we understand how this works before we leave. And if it does turn out that he can't leave, then I promise that I won't leave until I know all the dangers have gone.

[He means the admin and the monsters, he can't exactly help with the snow.]

[maskintape]

Don't be an ass. You have stuff - or people, or whatever - to go back to, so. It'd be pretty rude to keep 'em waiting. Remember your manners.

[ I-it's not like he finds that touching anyway or anything, you baka!!!!!! ]

[armoured]

[He chuckles, but he's not going to be swayed.]

Brother will go back and start the fight, and I'll help as soon as I can, but I'm not going to abandon anyone here in danger. I understand why you might not be able to leave, so... so there's no way I'd just walk away from that and leave you to cope.

[maskintape]

I've been coping all my life, man, I'm pretty sure your brother will need you way more than I will. Plus, you know. Me and my guilt issues.