maskintape | IC INBOX

wow
well
grats on taking the biggest and most self-pitying dump that's ever landed in my inbox

[ Honestly? Tim isn't sure where to go with this. He can't help but think of what happened between himself and Jay before he died - that awful raw-edged guilt and sense of loss. Lying and fucking up badly enough to end a friendship does hurt, and he doesn't doubt that Clayton is suffering.

Part of him (the part that told Jay to run to safety and leave him in the tunnel; the part that cried himself hoarse after learning Brian was under that hood; the part that will one day try appealing to Alex one last time before ending it all) wants to forgive. The rest of him just hurts. He's being emotionally manipulated again, isn't he? Clayton knows exactly what buttons to press. Tim categorised and labelled them for him, for fuck's sake. ]

you know what keeps people safe, big guy? not keeping secrets
p sure you said something like that to ME once to get me to spill
see you can cry about poor alex all you want
you're right. I didn't want him dead either
which is why I've spent like the last goddamn MONTH in the tunnels
made sure I was heavily medicated every time I had to head out for food
the one time I couldn't do that?
I sent alex a message telling him to stay clear of the tunnel entrance for a few days at least
because I'm not a psycho. I'm not a murderer

[ but he is. he is. he is ]

and I don't fucking appreciate being treated like one
you say you were just worried about the masked guy but
so what if he knew where alex was? so FUCKING what
he doesn't stay in control for long
not long enough to make his way to god knows where. even if he understood directions
you hid this shit from ME
do you know how it feels to be treated like a dangerous animal? because I do
I've known since second grade
and here that just doesn't happen any more
sure half the population thinks I'm a mess that can't take care of myself
and there's dr hotstud
but people don't treat me like some ticking timebomb who's gonna go off and start tearing people open any second
or I thought they didn't. shows what I know. so

tl;dr eat my entire ass

God, Tim, I know. I was afraid, I wasn't looking at the situation the right way, and I feel so sick for not treating you like you deserved. It's not even just you--Jay thinks I'm an ass for going behind your back, Brian thinks I'm working for the tall guy, Zack and Kain probably think I'm some kind of delusional headcase because I wouldn't let them catch Brian--Christ, Alex is dead for God knows what reason, I couldn't even help him in the end. If I had just half a mind to treat you like a reasonable human being instead of some glass plate balanced on a top shelf, maybe I could have done better. Maybe I could have actually helped someone. But I didn't, and I hate it, I hate everything I've done about this. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.

[hey remember that part where he said he wasn't trying to wake up the whole house]

[well guess who's curled up in the far corner of the living room quietly sobbing all over his tablet like a huge baby]

[this guy]

poor baby
this must all be so hard for you
especially the bit about people thinking you're a delusional headcase! man, what's THAT like

[ Seriously, Clayton? Seriously?

At least that lil comment makes it just that little bit easier for Tim to remain firmly in Asshole Central. He is Tim "Stony Motherfucker" Wright, king of apathy and not caring andhAHAHAHAHAHAA ]

I should've seen this coming tbh
wrt your whole glass plate analogy
do you really think Jay's never mentioned the way you talk to him about me?
implying he has to like
look after me
like he's responsible for me
like I'm not a goddamn adult. like I can't cope
see before I figured that yeah, ok. it's a little patronising
but claytons gonna clayton right
playing dad at people your own age is what you do
but now? it's seeming pretty gdamn insulting
"keep your dog on a leash, jay, we wouldn't want it to bite anybody"
you've ALWAYS thought of me as just one more of norfinbury's dangers, right
it's looking p obvious at this point that we were never friends at all

I know Tim, that was intentional, it was kind of a

okay never mind, it was in bad taste. Yes. I was so worried. I'm so worried for everyone. People keep dying around me, no matter what I do--people I've never met, people I've traveled with for weeks, it doesn't matter. I think it's getting to me. I can't even search the houses alone anymore because the blind corners make me too anxious. I'm afraid of everything and I'm starting to become afraid of everyone, and it's wrong of me, it's unfair to everyone that's put their trust in me, and I'm disgusted by it, because more than anything I'm afraid of hurting people. I've just been so focused on the physical side that I've been neglecting the emotional one. That was such a mistake. You're hurting so badly that I can't stand it, I can't stand that I did this to you. I just want to make it better. We don't even have to be friends. I just want to help you stop hurting.

WE'RE ALL SCARED, ASSHOLE
EVERY SINGLE FUCKING ONE OF US
which is why screwing people over is kind of a bad idea? who'd have thought

but w/e
you can stop worrying
I'm not hurting at all

[ He is a liar ]

not like I'm any worse off than before I came here
I'm used to it just being me and Jay
going back to that isn't losing anything

[ He is a liar ]

so you can sleep well knowing you haven't hurt me
or don't? makes no difference to me
I don't care about any of this shit tbh
everything is fine

[ He is a liar ]

God, you're right. That was really self-centered of me. I'm sorry.

Tim...from one liar to another, you're not very good at this. Not like I have room to talk I guess. But it's obvious this whole thing is just making you more uncomfortable and defensive and that's not helping anything. I'm sorry. This was another mistake. I'll go away now.

you're still doing it
you're still acting like I'm some helpless kid
making out that you know exactly what's going on in my head
jfc
do whatever the hell you want man
I'm not about to beg you to stick around so we can talk this out
so

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